What a Break

Sorry I didn't warn you all about my self-appointed Christmas break last week. I was sick last monday and still had tons of stuff to get done, so I'm sorry if you missed me! If you didn't... yeah, you did. :) Hope you all enjoyed Christmas!

I met up with a friend earlier this week and we talked about all the kids we used to hang out with. I still see a lot of them, or they find their way into my life somehow. I don't know that I would call myself friends with most of them anymore, even. I don't know much about most of them anymore. But I can just look at them and know who's growing older.. and who's growing up. It's a huge difference. There are those with goals, and priorities, and those who are just treading water waiting for a boat. Sometimes you can't help it, but most of the time it's fear of failing. And in being afraid to fail, they aren't trying. And in not trying.. that makes it a fail, doesn't it? It's so sad to see some of these kids who actually have real dreams just clinging on because they don't think their dreams can be goals.

I guess looking back at this last year, I'm not sure exactly what I've been doing either. But I'm starting to figure out where I'm going. That's all that really matters. Maybe we're all figuring out where we're going.

Enjoy the last few hours of 2012, I hope it's with people you love. May 2013 make your dreams come true. xo

In beautiful memory

Newtown, Connecticut and the rest of the world lost 26 irreplaceable lives last Friday. 20 children and 6 adults were killed by a sick and misguided man.

When I heard, I was 2 hours into my trip home. I always try to beat the little prince home from school if I've been gone for a while. And my first thought was that I couldn't wait to see him, so I hit the rise on my cruise control. And then it hit me that 20 6-year-olds wouldn't be coming home from school. And I broke.

I don't know how to fix this problem but it seems like everyone and their mom has an opinion. I don't know. I don't think guns are the problem, I think bad, sick people are. I think evil is the problem.

But all I can do is  pray. I offer my prayers and condolences to the families who have suffered and anyone who was hurt by this tragedy.

Keep your loved ones close and remember the names of the lost. Blessings and have a safe happy holidays, love you all!

SANTA'S COMING!

I'll warn you right now that this is a big kid's blog today and I hope you are not reading this if you are a kid, because I will feel sooo guilty. I should be studying but I am not doing well today.

So the thing that is seriously angering me most lately is about my ALL-TIME FAVORITE HOLIDAY. And if people don't quit trying to ruin it, I am going to go live in a forest home with my adopted children and we will have vivid imaginations and eat homemade candy whenever we want. 

The stores are going to keep opening earlier on Thanksgiving. and They're going to start decorating for Christmas over like labor day weekend pretty soon. And  Starbucks is going to charge me 50 cents more for anything with a Christmas-y name next year or something. But honestly, I can live with all of that. It pisses me off, but i can live with it. BUT. Ohhohohoh BUT I have to draw the line.

At these parents who refuse to let their kids believe in Santa. to those parents: I'm hearing your points all being shouted at me right now, and my response is this: BULLSHIT. Oh, is it selfish to lie to your kids? You think they won't trust you? He's too commercial? It distracts from the true meaning of Christmas?

It's selfish to rob them from the excitement and imagination they get from Santa. It's selfish to steal their imaginations, the little bit of magic this world has left. Everyone I know believed in Santa at some point. My parents never even outright told me that Santa wasn't real, and for this reason I know that there is a part of Santa that is as real as you and me. The magic of Santa and the generosity of Santa brings the magic of the season to me. And I trust and love my parents just as much if not more than some of my peers. YOU believed in Santa, didn't you? I even know Jewish kids who believed in Santa because their parents thought it taught generosity. and are you a worse person for it? If you're a stripper or a pimp then maybe you have a case against my arguments, I dunno.
Santa is too commercial, and doesn't teach kids the real meaning of Christmas? Saint Nicholas of Bari is the patron saint of Russia(and serfdom I guess?). He was known for his generosity, faith in humanity, and kindness to children. I don't know about you, but I was taught that the meaning of Christmas is giving and generosity. We celebrate the birth of Christ, and God giving us his only Son to save us. Santa gives to those all over the world and receives nothing in return, save for about a billion cookies. Our blind faith in Santa Claus reflects that seeing is not believing, and there is a greater power. 

I used to stare out my window late on Christmas Eve looking and listening for Santa's sleigh. and then I would find the brightest star in the sky and imagine that Santa was visiting baby Jesus somewhere by it and say a prayer that he'd make it to my house so that I could play with my brothers in the morning. 

I don't usually use this as a place to discuss my faith, but I just think this is insane and I had to vent. I don't want to be offensive, but I am honestly offended by the idea that Santa is somehow "wrong." There are so many ways to use Santa to teach your children the real Christmas stories and the true meaning of the season. Give them their youth, and stay safe. Happy Holidays!

What your clothes say about you

Okay so everyone knows that I dress like a bum 4...5 days a week. Pretty much. 6 days some weeks, get off my back.

Anyways, by not worrying about my own wardrobe choices I have found the time to evaluate what other's pieces of clothing are saying about them. For Example:

Jeans are not casual. They are an effort.
Scarves can either say "I'm trying to look cute today" or they can say "It's freezing balls outside."
Tights are a classy addition to any outfit. If you're going out and you throw on some tights or pantyhose, you go from skanky to classy. No one has ever said "I'm trying to get in that girls's tights tonight!"
Joke t-shirts say "I'm a fat guy with a terrible sense of humor." Usually.
Crocs still SCREAM "I'm never gettin' any."
Hats say something along the lines of "I haven't washed my hair this week" or even, "I'm balding but shhh."

Pretty much anything I wear says either "I'm super comfy." or "I like this outfit." So I guess just go with your gut. But remember. Don't wear crocs.

This might be the worst blog I've written yet. It's dead week. I promise I'll do better.

Kryptonite

Everyone has a weakness. Mine is definitely chocolate. OR. Boys who are total jerks. I blame all those people who told me if a boy was mean to you that means he likes you... What the heck kind of logic is that?

But really, think about it. "super" Mario can bust through walls and jump up flag poles, but he dies if he touches a turtle. Superman is powerless at the hands of kryptonite. Martha Stewart can make a christmas goose like nobody's business and set it on the most gorgeous table you ever saw, but look what happened when they tempted her to cheat the stock market? MONEYYY is her weakness.

So say it takes you 3 tries to climb to the top of the rock wall(lexa problems), that's okay! Cause people like you. (Mostly.)
And your brother hates you for a stupid reason? Ya win some ya lose some.
You don't know who the Dalai lama is? It's fine. Move on. [ps, no one tell my roommate that I can't even spell it right the first time.]
My point is that you can't be good at everything. It's silly to throw a ton of stuff on your plate and expect to excel in it all. it's tempting to do it, I know. And you can be really good at a lot of things! But don't let it ruin you if it's not what you expected. Choose your battles. :)

The little things

I love holidays. Every time one comes I'm like this is my 2nd favorite holiday! Christmas is obviously my all-time fav, but the others get to take turns. Anyways, I love Thanksgiving for lots of reasons, mainly food and family. Today is the obligatory thanksgiving post.

I am thankful for:

1. My boys. They're brats but I know they're on my team. 

2. My parents. All of them. I am who I am thanks to their selflessness.

3. The rest of my family. Not to group everyone together, but I'm the best person I am when I'm with you all. The pride and love you all have for me is something I could never thank you enough for.

4. Friends who can make me so very happy without effort. You know who you are. :)

5. The opportunities I've been given in the last year and a half. Not to get all spiritual but I'm not a huge believer in luck. I am a very happy and blessed girl, thanks to the big guy upstairs.

Now, for a little story! My mom is the youngest of seven, and her older brother -and my godfather- Dan passed away when I was ten. Shortly after, our little prince was born and inherited his name. Soooo many years ago he decided that we should go bowling after thanksgiving dinner, for whatever reason. So we all went, and then we just never stopped. It was and is such a fun way for us to relax, talk, spend even more time together and be thankful for each other. It's something we all look forward to every year! Uncle Dan, your turkeys miss you and are thankful you left us this!

Moral of the story is to love and be thankful for the people around you. Enjoy your families, your food, your football, and this life, because though it has its ups and downs-- It is an exceptional one. Happy Thanksgiving!

Makeover time!

Hello my favorite people! I hope you're all enjoying our new look... because I'm in love. In the spirit of our new theme, this week we'll be talking about do-overs. I'm not one for regrets. I try not to have them, but sometimes you just wish you could have a do-over.

BAD FASHION. If I could have a do-over I would never have colored my hair and let it fade to this disgusting burnt orange color. I would have never worn that borrowed dress to Rocky's homecoming sophomore year (no offense to the girl I borrowed it from, you looked awesome in it... I looked like a sad fish). I would have not worn all those horrible striped polo shirts in 7th grade and I would have had someone teach me how to properly straighten my hair sooner.

I would not be so obsessed with boys at a young age (you guys should read my diaries from when I was like 9...They are a sad embarrassing version of this blog). I would stay away from the cute blonde ones because later in life they were so not worth it. I would realize the issues in my first real boyfriend being nothing like me--don't get me wrong, he was an awesome boyfriend, but I spent way too much time worrying about a guy who would be at such a radically different place in life 5 years later. I would stay away from that greasy SO NOT WORTH IT specimen that I all but flipped for junior year. Ew. I would have more fun in high school and think about the future later.

In retrospect though, I've made it a huge point to learn from my experiences. Every striped polo and disrespectful teenage boy taught me something new about myself and who I want to be. Mostly, how I want to be treated. If you want to wear the striped polo and it makes you happy, just do it. Deal with it later. It will only make you a better person. Happy Monday! Look for my super exciting thanksgiving post next week :)

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

I feel like this girl.
Look, I get it. People have sacrificed everything so that I can vote. I wonder if I can still write in Regina George...
I'm not going to get into politics because it's not my style. Instead I'm going to list other people I wish were candidates.

1. Michelle Obama. I'd vote for her.
2. Ellen Degeneres. We would be the FUNNIEST country in the world, hands freakin down.
3. Coach Paul Rhodes. I'd like to be SO PROUD to be an American again.
4. My cousin Anna's little boy Vinny. I can't even imagine what his first act as President would be... feed all the people probably.
5. Jenna Marbles. No need to explain.
6. Jay-Z. I mean yes he is a huge democratic advocate BUT. He obviously knows how to deal with his problems.
7. Tom Brady. I'd watch every single State of the Union address.
8. Kelly Gifford. For those of you who don't know Kelly Gifford, I feel bad.
9.  Our dog, Guinness. He's so chill.
10. Elvis. Maybe he'd hook this country up with some sparkle.


Okay I seriously still don't know who I'm voting for but I feel like I have to vote. Otherwise I'll be pissed when we get taken over by China cause we let some ridiculously dumb dude run the country. Merica.

What to do in a desperate situation.

Set the scene: It's 2012. Today. The east coast is being ravaged by a Hurricane with the ridiculously un-menacing name of "Sandy" and you are sitting there staring at your phone waiting for your significant other to text you, and when they do it just says "yeah"--No smiley face, no excitement, you didn't even get punctuation for cripes sake. If you're a girl, you're probably like "OMG he hates me he likes someone else I bet she's prettier than me!!! :(:(:(:(" and if you're a dude, you're probably not reading this. and if you are you're probably like "thanks bitch, I was trying to have a conversation." Here's what I say. Turn your freakin phone off. Put it in like the microwave or something because you don't need that shit. Now grab a beverage and read my list of

 Things you can do instead of worrying about your boyfriend/girlfriend who you probably don't even like anyways

1. Finish your beverage. You'll feel so much better.

2. Turn on "American Pie" and take a shower. Ask my roommate Colleen, it is hands down the best song to listen to in the shower and I swear to you, if you belt it out like you just learned how to sing like Adele, you will step out of that steamy wet heaven feeling like the champion you are.

3. Go to the gym. Once you break up with that boring specimen you'll need to be hot enough to get a hotter more fun jealousy-inducing specimen and that's not gonna happen by sitting around waiting for boring ass text messages. Make a kick ass playlist, do a billion sit ups, but wait til you get home to flex in the mirror.

4. Get a free month of Netflix and watch that show you've been planning on catching up on. Chances are you'll find a TV crush and you can live vicariously through your Netflix account for the next 4 weeks. After that you'll be pretty sure you can perform brain surgery and fight vampires and fall in love with the hottie next door all at the same time and then you won't need that piece of crap anyways. 

5. Learn how to cook. Nothing is sexier than a guy OR a girl who can cook. Everyone loves to eat food. Unless your not-so-better half is annorexic, you can't lose. 

6. Absolutely ANYTHING else. You shouldn't be with anyone who makes you anything less than happy. Go rock climbing or to the pet store or write a blog if it makes you happy! 

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. See you next Monday!

Monday Funday!

So, as we all know football is one of my favorite things in the whole world. For my birthday this weekend, I got a Pats win so I'm pretty pumped about it!! But for this week, I'd like to throw it over to my big little bro. It'd be cool if I thought of this earlier and interviewed him or something. Anyways, here goes.

First, I love Cyclone Football. Game day is one of the greatest experiences of my life, and I've seen it from the field and the stands. So the fact that I SOLD my 100th Cytennial HOMECOMING GAME ticket to go to Rockford and see my brother's first round playoff game should say something about how I feel about Rocket football. I owe a lot of who I am to my brothers, my parents, my coaches, and the boys who have played for that team. We have a lot of small town hope and determination, and big small town dreams. Standing under the lights of our little stadium was one of the best experiences I've had in my short 20 years. 

On that note, games are won at practice. We all know that. But if it comes down to game time, and you think practice is enough, think again. You have to WORK for it, the whole time, to the very last second. Because your friends and family are in the stands WANTING it, for YOU, the whole time. To the very last second. I'm the girl in the stands screaming as loud as I can to the very last second, because I'm pretty sure there is some kind of miracle that will win this game. I believe in my team until the last buzzer because I don't put anything past my little brother because I know how important it is to him, and honestly, I know how bad he wants it and he does craaaaazy things to get what he wants. 

My mom always sent this poem with me to my competitions and I still remember the very last lines at big moments.

If you think you are beaten, you are;

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you'd like to win, but think you can't

It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you've lost.

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow's will:

It's all in his state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are:

You've got to think high to rise,

You've got to be sure of yourself before

You'll ever win that prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But sooner or later the man who wins

Is the one who thinks he can.

Things that worry me about people

First I just would like to let you all know that before Thanksgiving I WILL find a reason to talk to that hottie at the gym. That is my promise to myself.

Now for your reading enjoyment, I present to you: THINGS THAT WORRY ME ABOUT MANKIND.

1. REALITY TV. Here's the thing, I love reality tv. I watch pretty much every stupid show on MTV and TLC and I don't know if I even count those as reality. But let me just throw this out there: Honey Boo Boo Child. I have redneckognized and what really truly worries me, is that I seriously find the show entertaining most of the time. I will have moments of disgust but I can never make myself change the channel. A couple weeks ago I probably watched 3 days worth of Jersey Shore. I only find it funny like the first time I watch it, but I watch it anyways. 
2. THE PRICE OF EDUCATION. I would like to note that not even a year and a half into my college career, my parents and I are in more debt than I even want to admit. I did choose an out-of-state school, but had I went to the top public University in my home state, I'd be paying more. I'm lucky my parents will help me with loans, but honestly, It'll be like a billion years before I pay off these loans. So the geniuses who could probably cure cancer or save the American economy will never get a chance because no one can afford college. 
3. HUMAN RIGHTS. I choose these words delicately. I am a confirmed Catholic, but I am not without my own thoughts on matters. Why, in these horrible economic times, are we STILL discussing gay rights? or women's rights? This is 2012. Gay rights and women's rights should not even be an issue. None of us are God. If you are soooooo set on your religion, let God be the judge. If you aren't gay, cool! Let them be. If you don't have a uterus, get off the subject of birth control. And while I'm at it, I think it's ridiculous that women STILL make less money than men. Why is that even still a possibility? On that note, if one more person bothers me about who I'm voting for, I might set them on fire with my glare.
4. THE LACK OF GLITTER. I honestly think this world would be so much more awesome if more people embraced glitter. I don't need like Edward Cullen sparkly skin or anything, but I definitely need people to stop telling me they don't like glitter. That's not even a real thing, not liking glitter. Stop being ridiculous.
5. CHILDREN AND TECHNOLOGY. My little brother is obsessed with my Kindle Fire and my mom's iPad. He beat me at Madden last weekend. I know kids under the age of 10 who have cell phones. I got one TO SHARE with my brothers when I was 13. That was when I learned I'm not the sharing kind. Anyways, the fact that like 7 and 8 year olds are getting 500 dollar iPads for their birthdays instead of crazy cool GameBoy colors is perplexing to me. My roommate and I spent the hour before work today playing one of those games that you plug into the TV and push buttons. It was seriously the most fun thing I've played since Robot Unicorn Attack. Seriously Kids, get with it.

That was seriously the most refreshing rant I've had in forever. Feel free to add to my list in the comments or tweet them at me loves :)

On bad days

I like to use this blog as a place to instill courage in girls who need it. To instill strength in those who don't feel strong. To give a little bit of fun to anyone who needs a laugh.

Today, I'm using this blog to help myself, and the girls out there who feel like I do. We are strong, and talented, and beautiful, and well...awesome. I know all of these things about myself. I am all of those things. But I have days, like today, where I don't feel like it. I have weeks, like the last one, where I'm not so strong, not so pretty, not so talented. 

As girls, we all walk around comparing ourselves to the pretty girls and the smart girls and the ones who seem like they've got it all. No one has it all, but we damn well feel like we should, all the time. We grow up with Cinderella and Aurora and Snow White and they get it all in the end. And our generation is the I-want-it-now kind. Every day there's a newer, better, faster way. We want it now. We want prince charming, we want the wisdom and the beauty and the grace, and we freakin deserve it too! And when Charming isn't who we thought and when someone beats us at what was supposed to be our own game, we cry. Girls cry. Even boys cry sometimes.

So I'm taking today to tell you (and mostly me) that it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel like you aren't good enough for anyone else. It's okay to feel like you gave it everything you had and lost it all. Just don't forget to be good enough for you. If you aren't good enough for you then there is something you need to change. Even the strongest women have moments of weakness. It's what we do in those moments that make us who we are. Get help if you need to. Eat cake if you need to. Go on a girls date if you need to. Cry, even if you don't need to(because trust me, you need to.) Whatever you do, make sure you know that those feelings will go away someday and that you will be strong again. You have a place in this world, and it's all going to be okay.

Why I Look Like a Scrub 5 days a week

Coco Chanel said that you should always look your best because you may meet your destiny, or something along those lines. Well, screw Coco Chanel because Destiny can accept me for me. Destiny doesn't look at you and be like, oh she's not worth it. However, I've recently found that people I only hang out with on weekends ACTUALLY DON'T RECOGNIZE ME. Like honestly, this face is unforgettable, people. But I will admit that I do not look super gorgeous all of the time. and this is why.

1. I can't actually look normal if I don't do my hair. It's not possible. And doing my hair is a huge waste of time, honestly. It's worth it if I'm planning on hottie hunting but any other day I'd rather take a nap really.
2. If I don't do my hair then wearing cute clothes is a total waste of time because I still look like an idiot. The best you're gonna get, and I mean THE BEST, is jeans. That's it.
3. I personally think I look just fine in sweats. I don't look trashy or anything, I look comfortable. If Asian guys can come to the gym in pajama pants, I can wear yoga pants to class, and nobody gets to say a thing about it.
4. I don't want to give people the wrong impression, I mean I'm not the kind of person to put a ton of effort into what other people think of me. I'd like it if you like me, but if not then you can just leave, and I would neeeever think about it again. Truly. And really people who look like normal people give off the impression that they're super happy with their lives. I don't want people to think that because then they'll try to talk to me about life and I don't want to talk to people about life because people make me mad.

So long story short, I'm fine with looking like a different person on the weekends. It makes me feel good about myself. and so does wearing sweats to class. And I don't care what the weirdos in my classes think about me, I care about not having to constantly fix my bra strap or make sure my butt isn't hanging out.

So I'm going to keep doing it, and Coco Chanel can kiss my sweatpants-covered behind. Lazy babes unite!

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

(F.D.R.)

I can't stand the thought of living in fear. I understand that there are times when you have to be cautious... like, I for one, would never jump out of a plane. I am afraid of heights and I like the fact that planes are a pretty secure form of travel, and to top it all off I just don't think that sounds fun at all. I will however, jump off of a high dive if I sit and work up my courage long enough, or climb a rock wall. There are levels of fear that you should conquer.

That being said, conquering your fear is necessary to succeed. It's a crazy adrenaline rush that you'll never regret. If you don't apply for that job or talk to that cute guy for fear of rejection, you automatically lose. If you don't go for a run for fear that you'll be laughed at(been there, bro), you will never lose those last few pounds. Seriously, I notice this every day when I look in the mirror. But back on track, here is the point of my rant: you will never reach any great success if you don't ever take a risk.

Someday I want my kids to be proud of me, and I want to be proud of them. Would I let my son wrestle in the living room even though something might break, or he might get hurt? Yeah, every day. My brothers did it and got hurt countless times, but they're stronger men for it. They know how to defend themselves. It scared the shit out of my mom, and I know there will be times when I'm scared out of my mind but I can't live knowing there's more that I'll never experience because I'm scared.

If you decide not to do something for fear of what might happen, think instead of the kind of person you want to be and if this risk will help you to be that person.

Rejection will only help you grow to be a better person.
Take a risk and embrace change. The sun always rises on a new day.

My heartbreak lesson

Once, when I was in high school, there was this boy. I had been not so secretly crushing on him since 6th grade. Anyways, somehow our timing started to work.

After months and months of me slowly falling for him, he found someone else who apparently worked better for him. I didn't know at first, I just knew we weren't the same. I tried to win him back, and during one of the most stressful times of my life. When he made her official, I cut him out of my life completely. I wasn't strong enough to be his friend anymore. After 6 years of always having him to go to when I needed someone to explain life, I was lost. I had alienated myself trying to make him want me back. I was barely 18 and I didn't know what I had done wrong. I cried in the shower, in my classes, on the couch next to my mom, before I fell asleep. Everyone hates feeling like they aren't good enough. But I learned. I learned to put my dreams first, and let the rest fall into place.

One of the last things heartbreak boy said to me, when he realized I was falling apart, was something along the lines of: "If they think you aren't good enough, you don't need them in your life." He had no idea.
So I let him go. I let them all go. And it was the best thing I ever did.  And I would do it again, any time. Every time. He apologized, 5 months later. And still, I talk about him way too much. I compare every situation to that situation. He would tell you that we're friends, but since he apologized, we've talked a handful of times. We are not friends, he was a lesson I learned.

I don't have to be good enough for him. I don't have to be good enough for any of you. I have to be good enough for me. I'm not, not yet. But I will get there. and when I do, I hope all the people who I was never good enough for look at me and change their minds. But I won't care. I won't even notice. I'll be too distracted by all the people and things who were always there.

Let's finish our Monday off with this:

life of a working girl

I had a whole other blog ready to go and be posted, but this one is just too important.

So this semester I started a new job at the gym. I actually love it because I just clean and people watch and read the Daily the whole time. Anyways, There are a few things I seem to notice happening way too often.

1. Girls with big boobs don't understand how to keep them under control. I mean, it is not that hard of a concept. Chances are you've had those puppies for a while, you should really be used to them. Also, you should understand what a gift they are. I mean, mine are on the bigger side of average which I feel thoroughly blessed about, but these girls are like... when they run, I dont know how they dont get hit in the face with their own chest. If you can't buy a decent sports bra, at least wear 2 cheap ones.

2. Guys feel the need to lift way too much weight. If you have to grunt like you're trying to take a shit for the first time in a year when you lift, you need to take some weights off. You really aren't helping yourself at all. No one in the gym wants to hear you sound like you just can't finish it off. Also, you are not a personal trainer. I don't care if that guy said he thought you had huge biceps, that doesn't mean that you need to take him around the gym showing him your routine, the poor guy is too nice to walk away. Also, your biceps aren't much, trust me.

3. Wrestling practice starts around 4:30. Since the wrestling room here is under construction, they do it right in plain view from the mezzanine. between 4:30 and 5:30 you can find me washing windows or cleaning the railing on the track. Because watching wrestling practice while getting paid is like the coolest thing that has ever happened to me.

4. Finally, far too many people get all dolled up to go to the gym. Like seriously, dudes too. You don't need all that hair product and your skin tight clothing to lift weights and look at yourself. You know what, while I'm at it, stop looking at yourself in the mirrors! It's weird. wait til you get home to stare at yourself and flex, you're freaking me out.

This has been an announcement from your friendly neighborhood Rec Services worker :)

The love of my life.

I write a blog every week pretty much about girls and boys and relationships... and this one is no different.

This is my post about my relationship. with thousands of boys. because, my loves, FOOTBALL SEASON IS BACK!!!

Let me tell you a little bit about them. 

1- My younger brother Zack is 18 and a Senior at my old high school(he is also a twin, but Lukey gets another post later.) He's starting varsity for the Rockets this year, and I couldn't be more proud of all that he's worked for! He has big dreams and I love to watch him play. Every Thursday, I send him my good luck wishes and I'm always looking for new inspirations for him, so let me know if you have any!

2- My step dad moved to the midwest to marry my mom when I was 8 from Boston. It wasn't hard for him to convince an 8-year-old to cheer for the Pats. But as I grew and watched and visited and learned, I loved the Patriots all on my own. They were all the values I held dear-determination, teamwork, and pride. They played for the love of the game(okay, the millions too, whatever) and for the people who would kill to take their place. So try to tell me that Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback in America and I will tell you how Tom Brady taught me how to lead a crowd and made me the person I am today.

3- Finally, I am an Iowa State Cyclone and I love every second of my life here in Ames! This week is the annual CyHawk rivalry game, and I have spent a lot of time working on my arguments for this game. First, let me tell you that I am NOT a fan of trash talk and never have been. I don't see why you can't simply cheer for your team and let me cheer for mine. I believe in cheering FOR my team, not AGAINST the other team. But on that note, this weekend I will be cheering for the team that gave me countless memories and opportunities, the team that stood behind mine, and the team that plays for every person in the stadium, not just themselves. That is why I love being a Cyclone, and I can promise you that I always will be.

At the end of the day, Football is about my family, my values, and everything I am and hope to be. It's not just a game. It's an escape and it's a reality that I hope to live and love. Good luck to all the athletes this fall!

fashionably late is always okay.

Sorry I'm a little behind this week, school is back in session! Anyways, here is my newest rambling. I actually spent a couple days pondering this blog. My roommate kept telling me to do it about her, but she's boring.

I spend hours on end sometimes just online social networking. and it disgusts me to see all these girls who are just begging for someone to compliment them. They think they need someone else's approval to feel happy or beautiful and that's so upsetting. No one can make you happy. When you think that's the case, it's because you've finally let yourself believe it's okay to be happy because you aren't alone anymore. No one likes being alone, obviously, and I believe in the fairy tale kind of love. I believe that someone CAN make you feel happier. But I just don't understand why people think they can't be happy without someone to tell them pretty words?

I don't understand why girls will always settle for boys who don't deserve them because it's just easier and they don't want to be alone. I strongly believe that you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself. I have all these goals because to me, it's far more important to be good enough for me. I know that when I'm good enough for me, then I won't have to worry about being good enough for someone else. It's not really a difficult concept. Don't change. Let him come to you, because you are beautiful and charming and he can't resist.

There is no one alive that is youer than you. :)

let's get a few things straight

In so many ways, I am still such a little girl. I love sparkles and love stories and Disney movies. I still get butterflies when I fall asleep on Christmas Eve.

I believe in many, many irrational things. I believe in fairy tale endings. I believe in miracles, and in a higher power(but I guess I am still hammering out the details in that one.) I believe in love, in no way am I saying that love is not real. It is the realest thing I have ever seen, felt, or known.

I have finally, after careful inner debate, stopped believing in love at first sight. Attraction at first sight? obviously. Interest at first glance? duh. You can love the sight of someone. But you do not love someone the first moment you see them. Disagree all you want, but I don't think it's humanly possible. Love is about the inside. About the real him or her. You love someone for the person they are, not the appearance they present. You fall in love with someone's heart, not their face or body.

So all these insane attention needing girls who insist on celebrating how in love they are on their 16 day-iversary, just stop. Slow down, be young, if you are so into him then learn who he is and fall in love like you fall asleep. "Slowly, and then all at once." (John Green)

I'll always be looking for that real, solid, forever love. Until then, I'll be living my own life and making sure I know myself before trying to be a part of someone else.

almost 2 decades

Oh wow it has been a long time. Don't mind me, just trying to sort out my life.

So is it just me or is like every single person I know in a LTR or getting married or having kids? It's insane. I wouldn't trade with them and I'm almost having a hard time being happy for them. It just seems insane to me. Yes, I am figuring out my life and making big girl decisions and next month I'll be paying electric bills and shit, but there is no way in hell I could even begin to fathom parenting. and I have ALWAYS wanted children. I have a cousin who was married and almost expecting her second son at my age. I could not do it. My first kiss just found out he's going to have a little boy at the end of this year. like...what? I watched the sunset with you when I was 13. He'll be a great dad without a doubt but it's like the craziest thought.

Hats off to all you young moms and wives, if you can do that shit go for it. But I have a life to create for myself before I actually literally create life with someone else. Tell the stork to call me in 5 years.

All-American girl

I've entered this new phase in my life where I'm not sure how to classify myself. I was born and raised in Illinois, but on the Iowa border. I currently spend 9 months out of the year in Iowa. I love to travel, but there's always that longing for home. I spent the last 7 years of my life as a cheerleader and recently entered a new phase of nothingness. I'm a student, an intern, a big sister, a daughter, a best friend, all things I'm so incredibly used to. 

I always wanted to look like a gorgeous Southern Belle. I wanted the sunkissed southern skin, the ability to always look adorable in a sundress, and wavy blonde hair that was jacked up to Jesus. I do what I can with the hair, and I choose sundresses wisely, but I never had that adorable accent. God, I would be unstoppable with a southern accent.

My step dad is from Boston, and I am bound and determined to retire to an east-coast castle. I want to see the ocean from my window, and have a widow's tower or something cool and quirky like all of those houses do. I want my husband to drop me off at the door while he "pahhhks the cahhh." I want to celebrate my anniversary at Red Sox games. 

I want to spend spring break in Phoenix hiking by day and eating tacos and drinking by night. Honestly I've been there countless times and I never enjoyed hiking but I just want to do it. I love going out to see my family, I love the views, and the spas there are incredible, from my limited experience. 

I've been to Washington, D.C. three times and I hope to go back soon. It's my way of honoring those who dedicate their lives to our country and remembering the ones who left and never returned for my freedom. The White House at night is gorgeous. 

I love everything about the Midwest. I like crossing the Mississippi on my way to dinner with the family. I love farm pond fishing with my dad. I'll even admit it, I LOVE driving 3 hours to school and counting cows and rocking out by myself or with a friend. If I had to say, I guess I'd say I'm an Illowan, but I'm open to suggestions. 

Until next time.

My real life fairy tale

Despite the failure rate of marriages today, quite a few of my friends' parents are married and going strong. Being from a split family, I often get that inevitable question, "Do you like your mom's new husband?" and it seems ridiculous to me. First of all, they've been married 9 years, and together for almost 12, so he's hardly "new". Second of all, if I hated the guy I honestly believe my mom never would have married him. But the fact is that he's not a bad guy. My brothers have their opinions about him, but I have to admit that my life would be far worse without him for many reasons. The biggest one is obvious - My little prince.

I have 3 younger brothers, but Dan will be 9 this year. Most people don't even realize that he's my half brother because honestly, I forget. I never even use that word, half. I whole love him. He's not such a little prince any more and I'll admit sometimes people give me a hard time for our nickname for him. When he was little he loved to watch Bambi 2, and all of the forest animals referred to the little deer as the "little Prince." I got into the habit of waking him up in the morning saying "hello little prince!" in the voices of the birds, and it stuck like glue.

The truth is, there is so much more to it for me. Every little princess dreams of her prince coming to save her on a white horse and taking her away to a happy land. The one time Dan rode a horse he fell asleep on it. My prince can't ride a horse, and he's only 8, but God knows he saved me. I would never say I had a difficult childhood, I was never hungry and I never wanted for anything and I am so thankful to ALL THREE of my parents for that, but the truth is that I rarely felt like a kid. When I was 11 and Dan was born, I learned how to be a kid. He taught me the innocence in happiness and that truthfulness will always set you free. He taught me to do what I love because I can, and to always make time for the people I love because they won't always be the people I remembered. He taught me to appreciate the littlest things and that if I don't like something I don't have to do it. He never realized or meant to teach me life's greatest lessons, but I do not doubt for a second that God sent him to us for a reason.

Daniel was one of the biggest parts of God's plan for me thus far and I know he will continue to be. The Lord gives me the tough fights because He knows I will grow stronger, and I know that my intelligent and loving baby brother will be there with a hug every step. Danny boy, if you ever see this, I love you and you are ALWAYS my best friend.

Alaska Golightly

Pretty much anyone can tell you that my favorite book of all time is John Green's Looking for Alaska. I always wished I could be as flighty and creative and outgoing and honestly just as brutal and badass as Alaska Young. She was like the girl version of my best guy friend, so I was halfway in love with this fictional teenage girl.

For years now, I've adored Audrey Hepburn as the picture perfect image of class and glamour. I was even Holly Golightly for halloween a few years ago. Ashamedly, I finally watched Breakfast at Tiffany's earlier this week. As I watched it, I noticed the most ridiculous thing.

Holly Golightly and Alaska Young could be the same person. They are both unpredictable and no one knows what they're thinking. They both put the new guy in town in the friend zone without letting him know. They both drink and smoke as if they can't wait to drown their troubles. They have radically different fates, but from ten minutes in I started making comparisons. I love classics, and I love getting lost in characters. I can't wait to watch another Audrey film.

in the clouds

That's where you'll find my head most of the time. I like to dream, and I like to pretend that this will be the place I can create "a perfect world," and God knows I'll rant until someone hears me. So listen up, world.